Haldi, Mehndi and Sangeet: What Each Ceremony Is For
What happens at the haldi, the mehndi and the sangeet, who usually hosts each one, what guests wear, and how to plan all three without a tired wedding week.
· 6 min read
Traditions
Wedding Traditions, Explained.
The ceremonies most Hindu, Sikh, Muslim and fusion weddings include, in the order they usually happen: what happens, when, who hosts, what to wear and a tip for planning each one.
Every family does it a little differently. Customs vary by region, community and family, so use this as a starting point and ask your elders and your priest, granthi or imam about yours.
Hindu: North Indian and Punjabi
The shape many North Indian and Punjabi Hindu families follow, from the first family meeting to the reception.
Roka
The two families formally accept the match with blessings, sweets and gifts. Roka means to stop: the search for a match is over.
Planning tip. Keep it small, and use it to agree on a rough date, a city and who is planning what.
Sagai (Engagement)
The couple exchange rings in front of both families, usually with a short puja, blessings and a meal. Some families hold it on the same day as the roka.
Planning tip. If it is part of the wedding week, give it its own start time and photographer hours so it does not run into the sangeet.
Haldi
Family and friends apply a paste of turmeric, gram flour and oil to the bride and the groom. It is a blessing before the wedding, and it is joyful and messy.
Planning tip. Choose a space that is easy to clean, keep towels ready, and leave time to shower and change before the next event.
Mehndi
Henna artists paint detailed designs on the bride's hands and feet, and often on guests too. Many brides hide the groom's name in the design for him to find. There is music, dholki songs and food.
Planning tip. The bride's design takes several hours. Book enough artists for your guests, and serve food that is easy to eat with wet henna.
Sangeet
A night of music and dance. Both families perform dances they have rehearsed, there are songs and toasts, and then the dance floor opens.
Planning tip. Book a choreographer early, set the running order for performances and send the songs to your DJ a week ahead.
Chooda and Kalire
The bride's maternal uncle gives her the chooda, a set of red and ivory bangles. Her sisters and friends then tie kalire, golden ornaments shaped like little umbrellas, to the bangles.
Planning tip. Order the chooda early and have it sized, since many brides wear it for weeks after the wedding.
Sehra Bandi and Baraat
A sister or brother-in-law often ties the sehra, a veil of flowers or pearls, to the groom's turban. He then rides a decorated mare (ghodi) or arrives by car while family and friends dance around him to the dhol. This procession is the baraat.
Planning tip. Ask the venue early what it allows. Many need approval for a horse, a dhol and a route, and set a time limit.
Milni
The two families meet relation by relation: fathers with fathers, uncles with uncles. They embrace and exchange garlands, and sometimes a gift. The groom is welcomed with an aarti.
Planning tip. Write the milni list in order, with names and gifts, and hand it to the person calling out the pairs.
Jaimala
The bride and groom exchange flower garlands. Friends often lift one of them so the other cannot reach, which is playful and a favorite photo.
Planning tip. Order fresh garlands for the day and tell the photographer when it is coming.
The Wedding Ceremony (Pheras)
Under the mandap, a priest leads rituals around a sacred fire. They usually include a Ganesh puja, kanyadaan (the bride's parents give her hand), hast milap (joining hands), the pheras around the fire, the saptapadi (seven steps and vows), and the groom placing sindoor and a mangalsutra on the bride.
Planning tip. Ask your priest how long it runs and which puja items (samagri) to buy, and print a short program so guests can follow along.
Joota Chupai
While the groom sits in the mandap, the bride's sisters and cousins hide his shoes and ask for money to give them back. The bargaining is part of the fun.
Planning tip. Have an envelope ready on the groom's side so the bargaining stays light and quick.
Vidaai
The bride says goodbye to her family and leaves with her husband. She often throws handfuls of rice back over her head toward her family, wishing them plenty. It is usually the most emotional moment of the day.
Planning tip. Have the car decorated and ready, and keep tissues and water close.
Reception
A party to celebrate the couple as married, with a grand entrance, speeches, a first dance, dinner and dancing.
Planning tip. Agree the speeches and their order in advance, and keep each one to a few minutes.
Hindu: Gujarati
Gujarati weddings share much with North Indian ones and add their own rituals, music and dance.
Gol Dhana
The Gujarati engagement. The families share jaggery (gol) and coriander seeds (dhana) as a sign of the agreement, exchange gifts, and the couple often exchange rings.
Planning tip. It is often small and at home, so it is a good time for both families to meet before planning starts in earnest.
Ganesh Sthapana
Each family holds a puja to Lord Ganesh, the remover of obstacles, so the wedding begins with his blessing.
Planning tip. Your priest sets the day and gives you a list of puja items to buy.
Mandvo Mahurat
A puja to bless the place where the mandap (mandvo) will stand and ask for the ceremony to go smoothly.
Planning tip. If the mandap is at a hotel, ask when your decorator can get in and whether the puja can be held on site.
Pithi
Family apply a turmeric paste (pithi) to the bride and groom while singing. In many families the bride and groom then stay at home until the wedding.
Planning tip. Hold it somewhere easy to clean, and keep the evening after it calm.
Mameru
The bride's maternal uncle and his family bring her gifts, often including the panetar, the white and red saree many Gujarati brides wear for the ceremony, with jewelry and sweets.
Planning tip. Talk to the mama's family early about colors and timing, since the panetar is often chosen with the bride.
Garba and Raas
A night of folk dance in big circles. Garba is danced with clapping and turns; raas, or dandiya, is danced in pairs with decorated sticks.
Planning tip. Book a live singer and dhol if you can, and keep seats near the circle for older guests.
Jaan
The groom's procession, the Gujarati baraat. At the door the bride's mother welcomes him with an aarti and, in many families, playfully tries to catch his nose, a reminder to stay humble.
Planning tip. Plan the route and timing with the venue, as you would for a baraat.
The Wedding (Lagna)
In the mandap the priest leads the welcome of the groom (madhuparka), kanyadaan, hast milap, the mangal pheras (many Gujarati weddings have four) and the saptapadi. The groom places sindoor and a mangalsutra on the bride.
Planning tip. Print a short program. Gujarati ceremonies have many steps, and guests enjoy knowing what each one means.
Vidaai
The bride's farewell from her family as she leaves with her husband.
Planning tip. Plan the cars, and who travels with the bride.
Reception
A party to celebrate the couple as married, with a grand entrance, speeches, a first dance, dinner and dancing.
Planning tip. Agree the speeches and their order in advance, and keep each one to a few minutes.
Hindu: South Indian
Tamil, Telugu, Kannada and Malayali weddings differ a great deal, and so do communities within each. Many are held in the morning. This is a common shape; your priest will guide the details.
Nichayathartham
The formal engagement in Tamil families. The families exchange gifts, and the agreement for the wedding, often with its date, is read aloud before both families.
Planning tip. Fix the muhurtham date and the venue early, since good dates fill quickly.
Mangala Snanam
The bride and groom have a ritual bath with turmeric and oil before getting ready. Many families now also hold a haldi with friends.
Planning tip. Build it into the morning schedule. South Indian weddings often start very early.
Mehndi and Sangeet
Not part of every South Indian tradition, but many families now add a mehndi or a music night, especially when guests travel.
Planning tip. Keep it light if the wedding is early the next morning.
Kashi Yatra
The groom pretends to set off for Kashi to live as a renunciate. The bride's father, or her brother, stops him and persuades him to marry instead. It is playful, and guests love it.
Planning tip. Give it its own slot in the timeline, as it often runs a little long.
Maalai Maatral and Oonjal
The couple exchange garlands three times, often lifted by their uncles. Then they sit on a swing (oonjal) while women sing and bless them, offer milk and banana, and circle colored rice balls around them to ward off the evil eye.
Planning tip. Make sure the swing is sturdy and set up where guests and the photographer can see it.
Muhurtham
After kanyadanam, when the bride's father gives her hand, the groom ties the thaali (mangalyam) around the bride's neck while the nadaswaram and drums play and guests shower the couple with rice. In many families the groom ties the first knot and his sister ties the other two.
Planning tip. The muhurtham time is fixed, so plan the whole morning backward from it, including hair and makeup.
Saptapadi
The couple take seven steps around the sacred fire, each with a vow. In many families the marriage is complete after the seventh step.
Planning tip. Ask your priest to explain each step in English for guests, or print it in the program.
Wedding Feast
A traditional meal, often served on banana leaves, with dishes from the family's region.
Planning tip. A served meal takes longer than a buffet. Order the banana leaves and plan seating and servers early.
Reception
A party for friends and the wider community, with dinner and music.
Planning tip. If it is the evening before, keep it early enough for a morning muhurtham.
Regional Notes
- Telugu weddings: at the muhurtham the couple place a paste of cumin and jaggery (jeelakarra bellam) on each other's heads, and later shower each other with turmeric rice (talambralu).
- Malayali Hindu weddings are often short and held at a temple or hall: the thaali is tied, garlands are exchanged and the groom gives the bride a new saree or cloth.
Sikh
A Sikh wedding centers on the Anand Karaj at the gurdwara, with Punjabi celebrations in the days around it.
Kurmai (Engagement)
The engagement usually begins with an Ardas, a prayer. The bride's family gives the groom gifts and blessings, and many families also exchange rings.
Planning tip. If you hold it at the gurdwara, ask about times and langar.
Chunni
The groom's family visit the bride, place a red chunni (scarf) over her head and give her gifts and jewelry, welcoming her into the family.
Planning tip. If it falls on the same day as the kurmai, keep both in one schedule so the photographer covers them.
Akhand Path or Sehaj Path
A complete reading of the Guru Granth Sahib, either unbroken over about 48 hours (Akhand Path) or at a gentler pace over several days (Sehaj Path). It ends with the bhog, an Ardas and langar.
Planning tip. Book the gurdwara and the readers early, and plan langar for the day of the bhog.
Maiyan
Family apply a paste of turmeric, flour and oil (vatna) to the bride and groom while singing traditional songs. In many families they then stay at home in plain clothes until the wedding.
Planning tip. Hold it somewhere easy to clean, and give it an afternoon, as it often runs into a dholki.
Mehndi
Henna for the bride and the women of the family, with dholki, boliyan and giddha.
Planning tip. Book enough henna artists, and set up seating that is comfortable for hours.
Jaggo
Relatives carry a decorated pot (jaggo) lit with small lamps and dance through the streets or the venue, singing boliyan, short folk verses, to announce the wedding. It is loud and joyful.
Planning tip. Ask the venue about open flames. Many will only allow LED lamps instead of real diyas.
Chooda and Kalire
The bride's maternal uncle gives her the chooda, a set of red and ivory bangles. Her sisters and friends then tie kalire, golden ornaments shaped like little umbrellas, to the bangles.
Planning tip. Order the chooda early and have it sized, since many brides wear it for weeks after the wedding.
Sehra Bandi and Baraat
The groom's family tie the sehra over his turban, then the baraat travels to the gurdwara, often with dhol.
Planning tip. Gurdwara mornings start early. Plan the baraat so the milni can begin on time.
Milni
After a short Ardas, relatives of the same relation from each family meet, embrace and exchange garlands, and sometimes a gift. Tea and breakfast usually follow.
Planning tip. Write the list in order with names and gifts, and give it to the person calling out the pairs.
Anand Karaj
The wedding takes place before the Guru Granth Sahib. After an Ardas, the bride's father places one end of the groom's palla (scarf) in her hand. The four laavan are read and sung, and the couple walk clockwise around the Guru Granth Sahib once for each, the groom leading. It ends with the Anand Sahib, an Ardas, a hukamnama and karah prashad.
Planning tip. Put head scarves at the door, remind guests that there is no alcohol or tobacco at the gurdwara, and print a short program explaining the four laavan.
Langar
Everyone sits together for a free vegetarian meal from the gurdwara kitchen, a reminder that all are equal.
Planning tip. Tell the gurdwara how many people to expect. Many families make a donation or help serve.
Doli
The bride's farewell from her family, the Sikh and Punjabi vidaai, as she leaves with her husband.
Planning tip. Plan the cars and who rides with the bride, and leave time for goodbyes.
Reception
A party with dinner, speeches, bhangra and dancing.
Planning tip. Gurdwara days are long. Leave a few hours between the Anand Karaj and the reception.
Muslim (South Asian)
South Asian Muslim weddings center on the nikah, with family celebrations before it and the walima after.
Mangni (Engagement)
The families formally agree to the marriage and exchange gifts, and the couple often exchange rings.
Planning tip. Keep it close to family. It is the moment both sides meet and start planning together.
Manjha (Maayun)
Women of the family apply ubtan, a paste of turmeric and flour, to the bride, and often the groom, with songs. In many families the bride then wears yellow and rests at home until the wedding.
Planning tip. Plan it at home or somewhere easy to clean, and keep the following days light for the bride.
Mehndi
A big night of henna, dholki songs and dancing. In many weddings each family brings its own songs and performances, and the groom's family may bring the henna for the bride.
Planning tip. If both families perform, agree on the running order and how long each side has.
Baraat
The groom arrives with his family and friends and is welcomed by the bride's family, often with rose petals and garlands. The bride's sisters may block the way, or hide his shoes, and ask for money.
Planning tip. Plan when the baraat arrives against the nikah time and dinner, since guests usually eat after the nikah.
Nikah
The marriage contract. The imam or qazi gives a short sermon (khutbah). In front of two witnesses, the bride, often through her wakil (representative), is asked whether she accepts the marriage and the agreed mehr, and says qubool, often three times. The groom accepts too (ijab-o-qubool). Both sign the nikah nama and everyone joins in a dua.
Planning tip. Agree the mehr and choose the witnesses and the wakil before the day. In the US a nikah alone is not a legal marriage, so get the county marriage license too.
Rukhsati
The bride's farewell from her family. Often her brother holds a Quran over her head as she leaves with her husband.
Planning tip. Plan the cars, and who travels with the bride.
Walima
The reception the groom's family hosts to celebrate the marriage. Holding a walima follows the practice (sunnah) of the Prophet.
Planning tip. Confirm that the caterer is halal, and decide early whether the venue's bar is open or closed.
Fusion and Interfaith
Two traditions, or a South Asian and a Western ceremony, can share one wedding well. Give each its own time, and explain both to every guest.
Welcome Dinner
A relaxed dinner for family and guests who have traveled, so both sides meet before the big days.
Planning tip. Hold it near your hotel block, and keep it short.
Mehndi and Sangeet, Together
Many fusion weddings combine the henna and the music night into one evening, so friends from both sides can join in.
Planning tip. Teach a simple group dance at the start so everyone can take part.
Two Ceremonies
Many couples hold a full ceremony from each tradition, for example a Hindu ceremony in the morning and a church or civil ceremony later in the day.
Planning tip. On the same day, leave a few hours between the ceremonies for outfits, hair and travel.
One Combined Ceremony
Others blend both into one ceremony led by two officiants or one celebrant, for example a jaimala, vows and rings, and the seven steps.
Planning tip. Ask both officiants to meet beforehand and agree who says what.
The Legal Part
In the US a marriage license from the county makes the marriage legal, signed by an officiant authorized in your state. Not every priest, granthi or imam is registered to sign it, so check.
Planning tip. Apply in time. Many counties have a waiting period, and licenses expire.
Reception
A party to celebrate the couple as married, with a grand entrance, speeches, a first dance, dinner and dancing.
Planning tip. Agree the speeches and their order in advance, and keep each one to a few minutes.
Glossary
The words you will hear from aunties, priests and vendors, in plain English.
- Akhand Path
- An unbroken reading of the whole Guru Granth Sahib over about 48 hours, often held before a Sikh wedding.
- Anand Karaj
- The Sikh wedding ceremony, the blissful union, held before the Guru Granth Sahib.
- Ardas
- The Sikh prayer, said standing, at the start and end of ceremonies.
- Baraat
- The groom's wedding procession, with family, friends and usually a dhol.
- Chooda
- Red and ivory bangles a Punjabi bride wears from the wedding day, usually given by her maternal uncle.
- Chunni
- A long scarf. At the chunni ceremony the groom's family places a red chunni on the bride's head.
- Dholki
- An evening of songs to a small drum, the dholki, in the days before the wedding.
- Doli
- The bride's departure from her family after the wedding, in Sikh and Punjabi families.
- Ganesh sthapana
- A puja to Lord Ganesh that begins the wedding rituals, in Gujarati and other Hindu families.
- Garba
- A Gujarati folk dance in circles, with clapping and turns.
- Ghodi
- The decorated mare the groom rides in the baraat.
- Gol dhana
- The Gujarati engagement, named for the jaggery and coriander seeds the families share.
- Haldi
- A turmeric paste ceremony for the bride and groom before the wedding.
- Hast milap
- The joining of the couple's hands during a Hindu wedding.
- Ijab-o-qubool
- The offer and acceptance at a nikah: each says qubool, I accept.
- Jaan
- The Gujarati groom's procession, like the baraat.
- Jaggo
- A Punjabi night celebration: relatives carry a lit, decorated pot and dance through the streets to announce the wedding.
- Jaimala (varmala)
- The exchange of flower garlands between the bride and groom.
- Joota chupai
- The bride's sisters and cousins hide the groom's shoes and ask for money to return them.
- Kalire
- Golden, umbrella-shaped ornaments tied to the bride's chooda by her sisters and friends.
- Kanyadaan
- The bride's parents give her hand to the groom in a Hindu wedding.
- Karah prashad
- A sweet offering of wheat flour, ghee and sugar served at the end of a Sikh service.
- Kashi yatra
- A South Indian ritual: the groom pretends to leave on a pilgrimage to Kashi and is persuaded to marry instead.
- Kurmai
- The Sikh engagement ceremony.
- Laavan
- The four hymns of the Anand Karaj. The couple walk around the Guru Granth Sahib once for each.
- Langar
- The free community meal served at every gurdwara.
- Maiyan (vatna)
- The Punjabi turmeric paste ceremony, held at each family's home.
- Mameru
- In Gujarati weddings, the gifts the bride's maternal uncle gives her, often including the panetar saree.
- Mandap
- The canopy under which a Hindu wedding takes place.
- Mandvo
- The Gujarati word for the mandap. The mandvo mahurat blesses the place where it will stand.
- Mangal phere
- The rounds the couple make around the sacred fire in a Hindu wedding.
- Mangalsutra
- A necklace the groom places on the bride, a sign of marriage.
- Mangni
- The engagement, in Muslim and many North Indian families.
- Manjha (maayun)
- The turmeric ceremony before a South Asian Muslim wedding.
- Mehndi
- Henna, and the celebration where it is applied.
- Mehr
- The gift the groom agrees to give the bride at the nikah. It belongs to her alone.
- Milni
- The meeting of the two families when the baraat arrives, relation by relation.
- Muhurtham (muhurat)
- The auspicious time for a ceremony, chosen by the priest. In South India it also names the wedding itself.
- Nadaswaram
- A long South Indian wind instrument played at weddings with the thavil drum.
- Nichayathartham
- The Tamil engagement.
- Nikah
- The Islamic marriage contract and ceremony.
- Nikah nama
- The written marriage contract, signed at the nikah.
- Oonjal
- A South Indian ritual: the couple sit on a swing while women sing and bless them.
- Palla
- The scarf the groom wears at an Anand Karaj. The bride holds one end during the laavan.
- Pithi
- The Gujarati turmeric paste ceremony.
- Raas (dandiya)
- A Gujarati dance in pairs with decorated sticks.
- Roka
- The first formal step, when both families accept the match.
- Rukhsati
- The bride's farewell from her family after the nikah.
- Rumala sahib
- Decorated cloths offered to cover the Guru Granth Sahib, often given at a Sikh wedding.
- Sagai
- The engagement, when rings are exchanged.
- Sangeet
- A night of music and dance before the wedding.
- Saptapadi
- The seven steps, and seven vows, that complete a Hindu wedding.
- Sehra
- A veil of flowers, pearls or beads tied on the groom's turban.
- Sehra bandi
- The tying of the sehra, often by the groom's sister or brother-in-law.
- Shagun (salami)
- A gift of money for good luck, often an amount ending in 1. In Punjabi families money given to the couple is also called salami.
- Sindoor
- Red powder the groom places in the parting of the bride's hair, a sign of marriage.
- Thaali (mangalyam)
- The sacred necklace the groom ties around the bride's neck in a South Indian wedding.
- Vidaai
- The bride's farewell from her family after a Hindu wedding.
- Wakil
- The bride's representative at the nikah.
- Walima
- The reception the groom's family hosts after the nikah.
More About the Ceremonies.
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Your Tradition, Set Up for You.
Pick your tradition in the app and your events and checklist are set up for you, from the roka to the reception.